Amid all the routines of veterinary school, maintaining a routine of prayer seemed to take more discipline than I had to give. This was a clear sign I was prioritizing school over God. One of the best commitments I made was attending weekly Bible study at the Catholic Student Center on campus. Here, I met an inspiring group of young women not only dedicated to their studies, but also dedicated to building a relationship with Christ, receiving the sacraments, and exploring their worth and dignity as a daughter of Christ. It was so important for me to connect with a community rooted in the love of God. While it was a bit exhausting the first few months getting to know so many new classmates, teachers, and on top of that a new parish, the people I have met through the Catholic Student Center have been just as crucial for completing my degree as the professors and students within my program.
Our Bible Study began by reading through a Blessed is She study on the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Our first topic was prayer, and over a period of weeks we discussed vocal, meditative, and contemplative prayer. Even throughout this study, I struggled with understanding its relevance. I didn’t feel empowered by prayer; I figured that since God already knows what I need before I ask Him, what difference does my prayer make? Why even bother asking Him for anything since He already has a plan for what He will give us? But the truth is, Jesus asks us, “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51). He invites us to tell Him our desires. In his homily on hope and prayer, Fr. Herbert McCabe explains:
“Maybe we need to express and recognize our desires by pleading with God before we are ready to accept His gift. I mean accept it as His gift, as a sign of His love. The prayer is not to make God ready to give, but to make us ready to receive. Have you ever said thank you for a gift by saying ‘it’s just what I’ve always wanted?’ Well, God wants His gifts to be and to be seen to be what we have wanted. After all, every good thing that comes to us is the gift of God, but when it comes as an answer to prayer, we see it for what it really is: as gift of God, as expression of His personal love for us.”1
During Bible Study, we were encouraged to ask God for something big. In confidence, I pleaded with the Lord to help me tangibly feel His love. I was going through a particularly difficult month experiencing constant physical pain. While I still managed to bring myself to class each day, I felt overwhelmed and disconnected from everything. After an especially exhausting three-hour anatomy lab, I asked my professor a simple question about nerve pathways. She pulled up her smartboard and restated a week’s worth of material for me in place of her lunch hour. That unasked for sacrifice was the answer to my prayer, a tangible act of God’s love that brought me assurance and support. Since I had prayed for this, I saw this good thing as a true gift of God, and I was ready to receive it.
There have also certainly been times when I have asked God for something and felt like I never received what I asked for, even though we are told, “’Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive’” (Matthew 21:22). This makes me wonder, do I always understand what I am asking for? Fr. McCabe continues:
“There’s no such thing as an unanswered prayer, and God never gives us less than we ask. When He simply gives us just what we ask, He’s treating us as children, and we can rejoice in that. But when He doesn’t, He’s always giving us a greater gift, inviting us to grow a little, to realize not just that there are greater and more important things, but that we actually want these more important things.”1
So there is also something to rejoice in when we feel as if our prayers are unanswered, because we can anticipate that the Lord is preparing us for something greater. He is leading us to deeper realizations about ourselves and our desires, revealing a part of ourselves that our loving God wants us to connect with. If I’m not putting prayer at the center of my life, I will never understand the center of myself, who I really am as a daughter of God. My routines of veterinary school will never be fruitful if my routine of prayer is set aside. I pray to desire to engage into relationship with God, who feeds me all the love and energy and encouragement that I need to fulfill my duties as a veterinary student. Finally, I found empowerment through prayer:
“Our prayer itself, our praying, is as much God’s gift as is the answer to it. And prayer is not just God’s gift in the way that our power of speech or our health is God’s gift. Prayer is God’s grace, and that means that it’s due to God’s own life within us, God’s own spirit within us… When we pray, we display a divine power which is in us because we are in Christ, sharing His life. We speak to the Father with the voice of the Son because we’ve been taken up to share in Their spirit… This is an astonishing teaching. Every bringing of our desires before our Father in Heaven is Christ in us, speaking to His Father, to His Father and ours.”1
If we accept God’s invitation to lay our desires before Him, in our weakness and weariness He will renew us from within. May we all be moved to accept God’s grace, and through sharing in the life of our Father, the source of all life, may we bring this life to everyone we encounter.
Verses for Lectio Divina:
“Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6)
“’Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.’” (Matthew 7:7-8)
Reference:
- Fr. McCabe, Herbert. Advent at Blackfriars Priory Oxford 9-30 Mass 1986 Sunday 1 (of 4). YouTube, uploaded by Marcus Robbins, Oct 2, 2016. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U_AzcTFSNY. Accessed July 22, 2020.